The more time I spend in the greater otherkin community and the therian community, the more I feel like I don't have a home in either. I'm not a therian because my shifts aren't just earthly animals...and I'm not like most otherkin because of the whole psychological explanation thing...the hyper spiritual nature of most 'kin communities just doesn't fit and I find myself having nothing to say and people having little to say to me in either place. I make articles...and get no replies. And it's not just online. I feel like I have no one who understands all of me. My friends here don't know about my beliefs, mainly because I know they wouldn't get it. The one person I'd most likely tell dated a guy in the past who identified as a fire elemental...and from her experience with him she has decided that everyone with those sort of beliefs is nuts. My friends who do know don't live near me. So I have no one to talk to offline really...and no significant other to want to tell either. Then there's the whole identity issue in general...and do I just not really fit either community because of what I identify as and why? Or am I not really otherkin at all. I'm adopted...and the more I read about adoptees and their pscyhology the more I run into the common thread of adoptees not feeling human, not identifying with their families or people in general, and even some going so far as to latch onto an animal or whatever so strongly as to "become" that animal. So am I otherkin? Or am I just another adoptee? And even if it's the psychology of the adoptee does that make it any less valid? Does that mean that if I "fix" the psychological crap stemming from being adopted that this otherkin stuff will vanish? I mean once I no longer need to identify myself somehow because I have no idea about my actual lineage and where I come from that I'll abandon it? That if I don't need it that it won't be there and thus it won't be real? ...aaaaand now I'm just babbling. I guess the bottom line is I just feel like I have no home and no sense of who I am and it's getting damn lonely.
In addition, you identifying as a sociopath would add to that feeling, considerably. Sociopaths are known for their ability to blend into many different settings, and act like different people depending on what they want. Your shifts could be a result of this trait manifesting in this way, and with your inability to empathize with human emotions, it would feel like you are "different than human". Over time, this would start to blend into feeling non-human, and by your brain "choosing" animals that it liked the best, as a result of positive experiences, you would start to feel non-human, and gravitate towards those animals even more. And with you being an adoptee, it would make sense that you would gravitate towards something that made you feel like part of a group, and normal, like how pretending to be animals with everyone else might have made you feel. Your brain wiring may be abnormal, due to being a sociopath, and with your upbringing, it's no wonder you went to identifying as otherkin...but I would not consider you otherkin, because there are perfectly normal and rational explanations for what you are feeling, and nothing too out there that hasn't already been explained by science and logic. This is not to say that otherkin are irrational and mystical, mind you...but as an example, you're a cold sufferer, and you're hanging out with people who have the flu. You both have similar symptoms, but you have a cold, and they have the flu. One will go away on it's own, and the other may need vaccines and medication to treat; likewise, you being an adoptee and a sociopath trying to fit in has led you to being otherkin, but it's probably not a permanent thing at best. It's the best way I can explain what I'm trying to say. But you'll probably disregard these writings (as you keep on trying to find evidence for being otherkin), so good luck being the way you are.
I really wish people would stop redefining the meanings of things.
Sociopath might no be the right term to use honestly. Sociopaths are more violent and aggressive towards others. Someone who isolates them self is not a sociopath.
I would like to ask. So yes there are those incidences where people adopt traits or beliefs that they are not human because it makes them feel good, but what those who have felt that without any significant attachment? keep trying to find evidence that you are otherkin. Just like there are people out there trying to find evidence that they are spiritual leaders or endowed or being lead by God. I see that there is nothing wrong with ones own identity. Unless it is harmful to them person others, why bother changing it or correcting them? It's a personal thing. I wish there wasn't such a negative stigma for people who view themselves as not being human. I have many good and close friends who are like that, but they are not crazy or sociopaths. Some have had these beliefs for as long as they can remember. In some cases it must just be a different wiring of their brains. They just have a different view of themselves. It's neurodiversity and nothing is wrong with it.
I honestly would say that it's the adoptee thing that is making you feel otherkin, and not necessarily an innate sense of feeling non-human. The reason I say this is because you do mention not fitting in due to being adopted, and playing and pretending to be an animal way longer than most...might that have been due to the fact that you were adopted, and felt more comfortable as an animal because of your positive experiences pretending to be such? After all, you were having fun when you were pretending, and when you pretended, you fit in, and it was a positive experience. Over time, it might have been conditioned positively in you.
Hey. I know how you feel about this and I have these same feelings, so I created my own subculture (or you could call it a subculture of a subculture!) that I have decided to call "oneirokyn". I just got started on it a few days ago, but if you like, i welcome you to have a look.
Also, when it comes to your adoptee deal, I would advise you not to try to fix it if you are content with your kintype/theriotype. I've often thought about changing things and since i have discovered holistic medicine (to replace depleted feel good neurotransmitters) it hasn't made it go away. In fact, I feel more connected to it.
However, I made it a part of me, my identity so even when things do get in the way of that, it has become such a deep connection for me that it comes naturally even when things are going great. Besides, my studies in dreams have helped me understand why I shouldn't just let it go.
If you like, I study archetypal psychology and have a great knowlege in the field of dream interpretation (no pseudo science crap, real psychology) so if you are still struggling with this, I can help you in this manner. Your subconscious mind knows all about how one should go about solving problems, no matter how unsure you are of it while awake. When you're unsure of something in waking life, your dreaming mind is certain of it.
